Jen: something you don't want to see printed on your can of potato chips: "May cause abdominal cramping and loose stools."
Vic: ROTFL!
Jen: yay fat-free Pringles made with Olean, Destroyer of Intestines.

Jen: My brain's trying to escape from my skull through my right eye
Gary: Distract it by shoving a knife in your left eye.
Gary: Just with a butter knife though, you wouldn't want to do any serious damage after all.
Jen: Another lovely excerpt from Gary's HORRIBLE HORRIBLE Medical Advice, on sale now at Waldenbooks for only $14.99!

Gary: It's 9pm, do you know where your children are?
Jen: still in my ovaries. :P
Gary: LOL, good call.
Jen: :)

Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I'd go berserk? WELL, you left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind... AND! They're coming to take me away, HAHA, they're coming to take me away, HOHO, hehe, HAHA, to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away HAHA! You thought it was a joke and so you laughed -- YOU LAUGHED! -- when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid. Right? You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you left but now you know I'm UTTERLY MAD... AND! They're coming to take me away, HAHA, they're coming to take me away, HOHO, hehe, HAHA, to the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're coming to take me away HAHA! I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you pay me back for all my kind, unselfish, loving deeds, HA? Well, you just wait, they'll find you yet, and when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangey mutt... AND! They're coming to take me away, HAHA, they're coming to take me away, HOHO, hehe, HAHA, to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away HAHA! To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're coming to take me away HAHA! To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away HAHA!

Daddy like a sausage?

Sorry, 95% of my human energy for the next three months has already been scheduled and the rest is for emergencies. Perhaps I can pencil the blog in for a transfusion sometime in October?

Energy... what's that? Between the homework I failed miserably to complete tonight, and the migraine-inducing hot weather (which has left me with a headache so bad that I can only conclude there are leprechauns in my head doing a jig on my optic nerve), I lack energy. I don't want to move. I need an air conditioner, a tall glass of iced tea, and no homework hanging over my head. I need a genie to grant me a few wishes... :P

Gary: Ugh..my left eye is being eaten by unruly field mice..
Jen: ROTFL!!! WTF!?!?
Gary:Or at least that's what it feels like.

Ohhh..... Uhhhhh.... Ohhhhh... CLUCK!!!!!

Why, watching blue chicken porn, of course.

::coughs up small blue feathers:: What the hell have you been doing with those eyes?

Thank you, Vic, for essentially spit-shining my eyes.

::licks your eyeballs when no one is looking::

I'm so fucking weird. EYEBALLS... WTF is wrong with me?!?!?

WHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINE!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Everyone's least favorite Office Assistant has some mad web design skillz.

Ok, I tired putting a Site Meter on to the left of the table, but I couldn't get it going. Want to give it a try, Jen? The codename is sm2runningwithscissors and the password (Make sure you change it!!) is the last name of Gary's character in that X Files Gummi Bear story.

LOL. The person to my left is reading about Paddington Bear. That's one point for Paddington.

Great. I'm considering skipping my last class of the day. Why? Because I really want to see Jesus Christ Superstar on Great Performances and I forgot to set the VCR. I wonder what that says about me.

You and your obession with antibacterial stuff. You do realize that NORMAL SOAP kills most bacteria and anything it can't get off is likely to be stronger that triclosan anyway, don't you? You're just making the bacteria more resistant.

Paddington: Menace to society. Cough... cough.

Hm.... Gary needs a nickname.
The frontrunners:
Garrick
Paddington

I am slowly going crazy.... Crazy going slowly, am I.
Whee.

No, but I'm generally pretty sure about the gender of others.... You're a boy and Jen's a girl. HA! :P

Blogger is a she.

AOL had a little hick-up in the afternoon and the entire instant messaging system went down.

::screams:: why does AIM refuse to work!?!??!

Vic: ::turns you into a dictionary::
Jen: yay?
Vic: ::looks up "aardvark"::
Jen: ::chokes on Sierra Mist:: ROTFL!
Vic: ::blinks:: OMG! a choking dictionary! this is unprecedented!
Jen: LMAO!!
Vic: i wonder if the dictionary chokes on other things...
Vic: ::pours cola on you::
Vic: hmm... inconclusive.
Jen: ::vomits::
Vic: hm.... perhaps it's a regurgitating dictionary.
Vic: oh, good :-)
Jen: LOL
Vic: hm.... let me try solid food....
Jen: yum!
Vic: ::puts croutons on you::
Jen: ow!
Vic: ok, no solid food.
Vic: ::turns you back to Jen::

Vitamin C Fairy. Not to be confused with Peanut Fairy (sister), Hair Fairy (first cousin), or Ugly Fairy (no relation).

Try some Nipless, from Japan!

Left alone and forced to figure out what everyone was screaming about, I found that walking through New York became a real pleasure. Crossing Fourteenth Street, an unmedicated psychotic would brandish a toilet brush, his mouth moving worldlessly as, in my head, the young people of France requested a table with a view of the fountain. The tape made me eager for our move to Paris, where if nothing else, I'd be able to rattle from memory such phrases as "Let me give you my phone number" and "I too love the sandwich."

Jen: WTF... Mulder's alive now
Jen: apparently his pulse was so incredibly low that his body started the decomposition process
Jen: and now skinner's having some sort of heart attack being controlled by Krycek. WTF?
Gary: hok
Jen: LOL... remote controlled heart attack. wow
Gary: I can do that :P
Jen: LOL
Jen: EW EW EW
Gary: wha?
Jen: someone is literally showering off his SKIN
Jen: one of the formerly dead people like Mulder
Gary: I can do that. :P
Gary: alright, be back in 20
Jen: kk
Gary: back
Jen: wow... you said back in 20 and you were gone for almost exactly 20 minutes
Gary: LOL
Gary: didn't you know? I'm chrono, the god of time :P
Gary: I can do that :P
Jen: can you make cute firefighters appear in my room?
Jen: preferably wearing easily-removable pants?
Gary: LOL, sorry no