When Dreams Come True
Yaknow, I don't watch a lot of TV. The only shows I could truly sit down and enjoy every week were Xena: Warrior Princess and The X-Files. Then some fuckwad cancelled Xena (it's last episode airing only a couple of months ago), and I was left with the ailing, why-won't-it-die-already X-Files. David Duchovny is gone, with a slim chance of making cameo appearances next season. Gillian Anderson has announced that this is her final season. Robert Patrick, as Agent T2000 (or whatever the fuck it was), and Annabeth Gish, as Agent I-Swear-I'm-Not-A-Lesbian, have been cast to resurrect this sinking ship. But there is a glimmering ray of hope, boys and girls. Because if you wish hard enough, your dreams will come true. Yes, that's right, I've just learned that Lucy Lawless, XENA HERSELF, has signed on to do several episodes of The X-Files. I am nearly orgasmic with delight over this!! I have dreamed of this for YEARS. Now granted, with Mulder gone, there won't be any of those Mulder/Scully/Xena threesomes I dreamed about, but nonetheless.... Xena and X-Files, together at last!!!

'nuff said.

Jen: OMG, I went to a NJ Dept. of Fish, Game, & Wildlife fish hatchery today, and outside they have these pools with all these bigass trout in them, and you can buy fish food and feed them....
Jen: I got some food and was throwing one pellet in at a time.... the fish were jumping out of the water, one at a time....
Jen: so I took a handful of pellets and threw them in, and all of a sudden, ALL the fish started leaping out of the water
Jen: some kid started screaming "PIRAHANAS!!!"
Vic: LOL! when trout attack.
Vic: poor J-mo < g >
Jen: LOL!!
Jen: MTV Lives of Celebrities special: J-Mo at the NJ Dept. of Fish, Game, & Wildlife fish hatchery
Vic: LOL!!! ::imagines the music video::
Jen: LOL ::pictures herself wearing the infamous green Versace dress while holding a trout at the hatchery::
Vic: ::almost chokes and DIES::
Jen: LOL! yay! I've killed you almost 3 times with this J-Mo joke!
Vic: ROTFL! ::gives you a notch for keeping count::
Jen: "if you want my trout and I gave you all my bait would you fish for me, oh yeah baby..."
Vic: LOL!!

From the "Oh, Fuck!" Diaries of Jen
I am so, so stupid..... around 3:30 am this morning I decided to take a 3 hour nap before I would leave to go see the balloons launch (see below). After all, being up 24+ hours then working a 10-hour day left me in a state during which I shouldn't be driving. So, I drifted to sleep... then proceeded to wake up at 1pm. Why, you may ask? Because I forgot to set my alarm clock last night. Now I missed the opportunity to shoot pictures of hundreds of shiny balloons taking over the sunrise skies of Hunterdon County. Fuck me.

BTW..... in a move to demonstrate my love for Jennifer Lopez, who is absolutely fucking beautiful and kicked ass on SNL last night, I now want to be referred to as J-Mo. Got it?

Tale of the Balloon Festival
So apparently every year in my county there is a massive hot air balloon festival. I don't know about you, but I'm used to jets from Newark Airport zooming over my house... NOT bigass hot air balloons landing in my backyard or vintage fighter planes flying around at 6am and making me think I've woken up in the midst of a 1943 aerial dogfight. But after work today, I took a ride with my parents down the highway to the area in which my school is, which is also about 5 minutes away from the airport at which these hundreds of balloons, etc., launch. You have not LIVED til you see rows and rows of cars pulled over to the shoulders of a highway for at least a 10-mile stretch, or seen parking lot after parking lot filled with spectators watching hundreds of hot air balloons floating and descending where ever the winds take them. Note that this sometimes means hot air balloons land in residential backyards, shopping center parking lots, farm fields, and yes, even on the highway. But perhaps the best part of today's trip down the highway was the giant Pepsi balloon. Yes, boys and girls, I had the opportunity to drive right beneath a humongous Pepsi-can shaped hot air balloon, riding in a convertible, no less. (Me, not the balloon, you buffoons). We pulled over to the side of the road to watch the Pepsi can land; a few seconds later, a car goes by with its horn honking, and some moron hanging out the window screaming, "I FUCKING LOVE PEPSI!".... okay... it doesn't sound funny now but it was when it happened... so yeah, I'm staying up to see the mass acension of balloons at 6:45 am this morning... so tired.... been up for 24+ hours.... sigh. Normal 20-somethings stay up for nights of hot sex with their significant others... I stay up to spend a morning with hot air balloons. Yay me.

Vic: wow. what if i were choking and you were my only recourse?
Jen: LOL... sorry... I'm not breaking my 33.6 kbps connection to call 911
Jen: (just kidding of course)
Vic: ROTFL!!!!!
Vic: ::gives you a notch for hilarious misanthropy::

Marilyn Manson interview on the radio...

interviewer: "Any song you'd like to cover that you haven't already?"
MM: " 'Silent Night', I want to do a duet with Tammy Faye Bakker"
interviewer: ::laughs::
MM: "...... I'm not kidding."
interviewer: "Any plans on having children?"
MM: "Sure.... for dinner."

What a day I've had... it all started when I was in the shower and one of my contacts folded itself up and got stuck under my eyelid, for the second time this week. I spent an hour trying to get it down... finally I did. Today was also my first day working at the store fulltime... god, I hate working fulltime. I can't wait for school to start. And for some reason, my back was more excruciating than usual today... I couldn't stand up straight without screaming in pain.... I took about 5 advil this morning but it did jack shit.... when I got to work today I bought some Doan's backache pills; they helped a little but I was still wincing everytime I moved. I managed to get through the night.... I wanted to stick around after closing for a bit to clean up for the other assistant manager wh opens tomorrow, but all of the other staff was leaving right away and I'm not allowed to be in the store by myself anymore (eckerd doesn't trust any of its associates, apparently) so I had to leave with them. We walk outside..... and lo and behold, some massive thunderstorm is blowing in.... but I desperately need gas so I drive up the road to the only gas station in the area that's still open, and while I'm waiting for the tank to fill, the sky explodes. After I pay for my gas, I leave, but it's raining far too hard for me to drive. So I go back to the parking lot at Eckerd and wait for the rain to let up. Meanwhile, lightening strikes something and the entire town goes black..... and I'm going "oh shit" because now I'm worried about the store alarm going off. One of my least favorite parts of being on management is responding to calls when the alarm goes off and having to file a report with the police. The power did come back on, and then I decided I was sick of waiting for the rain to let up, so I just decided to drive home. I opted to take backroads instead of the highway.... my car+ wet roads+high speeds=major trouble. Now, of course, would be the night my car decides to have problems... my dash light goes out... my AC is broken, but I can't open my window unless I want to soak my interior, and no cold air=worthless defroster.... my wipers are streaking... windows fogging up.... not a good situation. So I'm driving home on a street-light-less country road, with a flashlight aimed at my dash so I can watch my speed, my wipers on their fastest setting... the windows cracked open slightly and my defroster blowing hot air, making me break out in a sweat.... me with one hand on the wheel trying to control my hydroplaning car and watching out for one-foot-deep puddles, and the other hand armed with a paper towel so I can continuously wipe down my fogged-up windshield.... my 10-minute drive home took me about 25 minutes. Oh, and of course tonight would be the night that not one but two deer decide to run out in front of me.... I actually hit one.... not too hard though, it fell but got right back up..... fucking dumbass animals. This is why I hate summer... I hate goddamn thunderstorms and the havoc they wreak. Blah.

Uh ha ha, ha ha
Uh mmm mmm, mmm mmm
Uh ha ha, ha ha
Uh mmm mmm, mmm mmm
Uh ha ha, ha ha
Uh mmm mmm, mmm mmm
Uh ha ha, ha ha
Uh mmm mmm, mmm mmm


So tell me
When you took the Practice Scholastic Aptitude Test did you know the answers or did you guess?
You rely on gimmicks to amuse your fans and act all urban to jack up your soundscan, what's the matter with you?
How come you rhyme monosyllabically, is atrophy shrinking your entire vocabulary?
Your style's like garbage cans, meant to be taken out on a weekly basis
Ever since your first record you've been in a state of suspended animation
You look like Snuffalupagous and australopithecus, me, cray, you, abacus
But enough about you, let's talk about me and how single-handedly I redefined the science of radio astronomy
Making Noble Prize winners question their notions of reality
Oh but I digress, you play Sorry and I play chess
King's pawn to B3, checkmate, go get some Percocets
Uh ha ha, ha ha


Careful with that mic Weezie
Do you really think it's that easy?


Mmm, this is really good ice cream, you want some of it?
Oh my bad, I didn't know you were lactose intolerant
Makes you pass gas, frightens all the girls away
The only friends you keep are those you pay
Always on the ready for the whack snack attack I carry sandwiches around in a straight-edge style Jansport backpack
Got the gadget Q gave Bond, control your mind, make you jump in a pond
Quack quack, flap your arms leave you confused but completely unharmed
Uh ha ha, ha ha


Careful with that mic Weezie
Do you really think it's that easy?
Do you really think it's true?
That up above they can't hear you


Uh ha ha, ha ha


Now look here
Both you and I know the past ten years have been rather intense
I'm ashamed to admit that I've been fooled by the seductions of violence
People walkin' around with ugly auras and at times I'm even tempted to seek the advice of Dr. Laura
But I ignore her
And I take a deep breath and count to ten
Ain't gonna let it get under my skin
Take a deep breath and count to ten
Think of all the nice places that I have been
Like back when I was waging peace against the visigoths I was tutored in the ancient mysteries by a wisened philosoph
Learned the polyrhythm of celestial time, and wait for the one to come and get it done, to finish the rhyme
Uh ha ha


Careful with that mic Weezie
Do you really think it's that easy?
Do you really think it's true?
That up above they can't hear you


Uh ha ha, ha ha
Mmm hmm, mmm hmm
Uh ha ha, ha ha
Mmm hmm, mmm hmm
Uh ha ha, ha ha
Mmm hmm, mmm hmm
Uh ha ha, ha ha

somebody else MUST care about this blog.... anyone? anyone at all?

yup, I'm crazy. I was driving past that mental hospital last night (on Sanitarium Road, no less... teehee) and considered checking myself in. But I didn't stop. No, not yet.... If I'm going to be considered legally insane, I might as well get away with some murders while I'm at it.

I am driving myself insane... I am so stupid, so dumb.. I shouldn't be allowed to make decisions, because I always make the wrong ones.... why don't I look before I leap? Think before I speak? Why do I overanalyze anyway and STILL fuck up? Why am I such a neurotic mass of failure? Why am I missing the necessary skills to cope with life? WTF? Why am I afraid of everything? For someone so intelligent, I am rather stupid. I don't get it. Not at all. Nothing makes sense. I'm losing it. Sanity? hahahahahahahahahahahaha...... Sure, I can live in denial, and pretend everything is A-OK, but it's really not.... and who am I kidding.... I pretend it doesn't exist until one day it all just blows up in my face.... just like a Coke bottle that's been shaken to the brink of insanity.... WARNING: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE.... 3, 2, 1 BLASTOFF..... I am going insane, insane going am I.... one, two, buckle my shoe, three, four, shut the door, five, six, pick up sticks, seven, eight, lay them straight, nine, ten, an insane jEN..... Sure, I can pretend I'm normal, try to blend in, but I don't, really, I can't deal with life, oh groan jEN, stop being so melodramatic I say, but to no avail.... because when you're not in touch with reality like me, and when you suddenly have a rude awakening to the world, it's a scary thing, to not be able to deal with things so simple that a five-year-old would probably be more emotionally developed than you, oh god did that make sense? I don't want to do this, should have never done it, need to rewind back to 1997, or better yet 1979, I would have set things straight... can't do it.... here come the demons, playtime for them, I thought they left long ago, but now they're back, why won't they go away? WHY?

Eli-Lilly, the pharmaceutical company that makes Prozac, accidentally posted e-mail addresses of people who use the drug on their Web site. Now, considering how many prescriptions I fill in my pharmacy every week for Prozac and other anti-depressants, tranquilizers, anti-anxiety meds, anti-psychotics, etc., (which just proves that society, especially affluent white bread folk who are sad because they can only afford to buy a 10 bedroom mansion instead of a 15 bedroom one and therefore downplay the importance of these drugs to the people who actually need them but I digress, is overmedicated)... I'm wondering exactly how long that list was? It would probably have taken a day for the screen to load on my dial-up connection.

Gary: ::talking about his parents:: I dunno..but god I hope they're not having sex...ewww
Jen: LOL... how do you think YOU got here?
Gary: I descended to Earth on a glimmering ray of light. Duh.
Jen: LOL!!
Jen: aww... no fair.

X-Files: The Musical
"Aliens, we got aliens...."