Jen: why is Patti Labelle doing a commercial for hormone replacement therapy?
Vic: lol
Vic: is she a hormone?
Jen: LOL!!
Vic: patti labelle: triggers ovulation
Jen: LOL! my brain wants to picture that, but it cant
Vic: LOL :-)
Jen: LOL, ow, it actually hurts
Vic: LOL
Vic: well, of COURSE it hurts... i'd hurt too if patti labelle triggered ovulation
Jen: LMAO
Vic: lol... this is how i imagine the patti labelle hormone working....
Vic: you know that little hammer the doctor bangs your knee with to trigger reflexes? well....
Vic: i imagine a tiny patti labelle sitting on an ovary, listening with a stethoscope and banging softly with that little hammer going "time to come out, girls!"
Jen: .....................................................................
Jen: .....................................................................
Jen: ::explodes::
Jen: ROTFLMMFAO
Vic: ROTFL!!!! YAY!!!!
Jen: I just spit pepsi ALL OVER my monitor
Vic: YAY!!!!
Vic: WHOOO!!!!
Jen: LOL
Jen: great...
Jen: now when I try to sleep tonight, I'll be picturing that
Vic: LOL!!!

It's 2 am and he starts another fight
Walk him to the door and give a kiss goodnite
It's time for a change if you get too deep
Stop by my shop cause I work cheap

I'm Mr. Fix It! It feels good! Fixin' all the girls in the neighborhood!
I'm Mr. Fix It! It feels good! Fixin' all the girls in the neighborhood!
Come on

Now you don't wanna hurt him and I agree
If he knew what we were doing - he'd be hurtin' me!
Gotta work an engine cause the warranty fades
Under your hood I'm a jack of all trades!

I'm Mr. Fix It! It feels good! Fixin' all the girls in the neighborhood!
I'm Mr. Fix It! It feels good! Fixin' all the girls in the neighborhood!
Come on
Fix it fix it fix it right!
Fix it fix it fix it all night!
Now fix this

Find that switch - bring you to tears
I'm the head technician when it comes to greasing gears
Now you can tell him a thing or two
How Mr. Goodwrench on the workbench was fixin' you!

I'm Mr. Fix It! It feels good! Fixin' all the girls in the neighborhood!
I'm Mr. Fix It! It feels good! Fixin' all the girls in the neighborhood!
Come on

Fix it fix it fix it right!
Fix it fix it fix it all night!
Fix it fix it fix it right!
Fix it fix it fix it all night!
I'm Mr. Fix It…it feels good!

hmm.... to watch the hot CIA guy on "The American Embassy", or Jim Norton of O&A fame on "The Colin Quinn Show"? Damn TV schedule.

Jen: an interview with a woman who as a teenage girl was a penpal to the confessed Boston Strangler while he was in jail....
Jen:
Vivian Wyatt: “I always did things to please my parents. This was just the first time I remember really rebelling and really sticking to my guns about it.”
Mankiewicz: “Most kids rebel by talking back to their parents, cutting school, staying out all night. Not really by writing to serial killers.”
Wyatt: “I know, but I’m not like most kids.”
Vic: LOL
Jen: I bet she's my real mommy
Vic: is your name really viv...LOL
Vic: that works too
Jen: LOL
Vic: LMAO.. "mommy"
Vic: notch
Jen: LOL!

Jen: ::hears thunder::
Jen: either that or bigfoot is in my backyard
Vic: oh....
Vic: i'm sorry...
Vic: ::stops masturbating::
Vic: that better?
Jen: ROTFLMMFAO

Hitler's Secret Pirate Fleet
"ARGH SIEG HEIL!"

I wish I was a Glow Worm
A Glow Worm's never glum
'Cause how can you be grumpy
When the sun shines on your bum?

The Medieval Gallery, now featuring Ye Olde Tote...
"Tote bags, just like back in medieval times!"

Vic, at the sex toy shop: "18 inches!?!?!? Who needs all that??"

Jen: "you know.... street lamps... lampposts... street lights.."
Gary: "GLOOOOOWBALLS..."

"Hey, if I'm buying something at the bookstore, I can sit there and read all I want. Hell, I can masturbate between the stacks if I want..."

Jen: "Vic is Christ! You turned water into wine... Or was it wine to water? Or maybe it was bread to wine..."
Gary: "Great. Now we're going to starve. Thanks, Vic."

Vic to Gary (upon entering Claire's): "I think the maximum penis quotient of this store was just exceeded by two."
Gary to Vic: "Back away slowly."

The Story of H
"Damn that H. Where is he?!? I'm going to call him! Hhhhhhhh!!! Hhhhhhhhhhh!! Hhhhhhhhh!"

Dead: The state of not being alive.
Blood: A red bodily fluid.
Red: The color of blood.
Tube: A cylindrical shape.
Ice: Crystallized water.

"This isn't a library, you know..."
"Oh, OK. Let me just go stick this book up my ass... SQUEEZE!"

"Do you remember Glow Worm? It was a worm... it glowed..."

From a conversation with Gary:
"Is your computer mouse sluggish..slow to respond...just doesn't have the kick it used to when the computer was new... Well, try new mouse lube... I tried mouse lube and it just made my mouse gliiiiiiiiide across the pad, just like magic!"