Gary on the anime "La Blue Girl":
"The scene where Mino Miko or whatever the hell her name is, the female ninja hero, uses her super secret sexcraft skill to engorge her clitoris and use it to fuck a hermaphrodite into cumming first so that she 'wins', just blew my mind."

There's a hair on the soap, and it's short and it's curly, there's a hair on the soap and I don't think it's miiiiiiiiiiiine

I want to live here. Or here. Although, any house on a cliff near water that isolates me from the world will do.

Jen: i used to do that when I was about 13-14... my mom would be driving my brothers and me home from school... there would be kids all over.... I just used to yell out the window "Vote for me!" then wave and grin at them
Gary: LOL!!
Jen: LOL I think i was a retarded kangaroo in my former life
Gary: vote for you? vote for you for what?
Gary: LOL!!!!
Gary: wow....
Jen: ow... LOL... my stomach hurts now from all the laughing
Gary: I wonder if the whole reincarnation thing is limited to our planet only.. Like...maybe I'm the reincarnation of MeepZorcZoo from Sigma9.
Jen: ROTFL
Gary: LOL...yaknow..the whole reincarnation thing...it'd HAVE to work with other planets too..cause I mean...what happens if like..an astronaut wanders too far from earth and dies in space.. is god like..OOPS..sorry...he's over the fence where the scary neighbor lives... I'M not getting him..they've got a big dog.
Jen: LOL!!
Jen: wow
Jen: I was either a retarded kangaroo or a Nazi SS officer or both in my former life(ves)
Gary: LOL....apparently a nazi and a retarded kangaroo are morally equal then
Jen: LOL
Gary: *pictures a) a kangaroo herding rabbits into a detention camp and b) a nazi hopping around with a little nazi in his front pouch*
Jen: oh.my.god.
Jen: omg
Jen: i cant breathe
Gary: LOL!!
Jen: oh god i think I'm gonna throw up
Jen: ROTFL wow
Gary: LOL!! Yay!!!

Jen: oh so I washed my car this morning, and I happened to be next to the fence while doing so...
Gary: ok...
Jen: I'm mad all six of my neighbor's goats and their dog too came over to watch me for an hour and a half while I cleaned and washed the tank
Gary: LOL
Jen: the baby goats are SOOOOOOO cute
Jen: except the one that tried to eat my finger
Jen: she bit me, not hard enough to break the skin, but it still hurt
Gary: it's only to be expected. it's things like that that make pets not eat us. they see you producing water magically from a long green snake to tame the giant sudsing metal beast
Jen: ROTFL!!!!!!!!!
Jen: oh. my. god.
Jen: i convulsed so hard that I fell out of my chair and somehow flipped the chair over on top of me
Gary: LOL!!!
Gary: 'when chairs attack'
Jen: ROTFL... that's going to have to be blogged
Jen: LOL!!

Jen: ok note to self: dont keep flag stickers next to flag stamps
Gary: are you decorating your mail with stickers again?
Jen: only by accident
Gary: LOL The post office: "Hmm...either she's very patriotic...or she can't read."
Jen: LOL
Jen: WTF!!
Gary: ??
Gary: did you do it again? :P
Jen: I just wrote my DOB on the check I'm making out instead of today's date
Gary: LOL!!!
Jen: groan i think i inhaled too much car wax fumes
Gary: The post office: "She either very patriotic..or very dumb." LOL j/k
Jen: LOL
Jen: LOL read that sentence
Jen: it's missing a verb, which makes it all the more funnier
Gary: LOL
Gary: post office: "Girl dumb, hunt beast now."

Not that anyone else in America cares but I'd just like to record my opinion of what's going to happen on The Mole 2 somewhere where I can prove I said this before the end... Bill's the mole and Dorothy is going to win (though I'm rooting for Heather). Now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

This week on "Wait, Wait.. Don't Tell Me":
Utah Senator and professional songwriter Orrin Hatch: "I'm a big athletic supporter... er, maybe I should rephrase that."

Gary: *orders china*
Gary: err...chinese
Vic: LOL
Gary: LOL..now I wanna buy a country
Vic: LOL. and i want to buy dishes
Gary: KIK!!
Gary: errr..LOL Damn ergonomic keyboard

So apparently tonight the police academy that trains at my school was the subject of a one hour long Court TV program called "The Elite". Of course. Something totally cool about something so close to home for me and I don't even get Court TV. Figures.

My favorite "This American Life" moment:
In an episode focusing on sissies, host Ira Glass starts discussing the role of gay men in World War II:
Ira: "And then there were the famous gay battalions"
Other person: "Exactly..."
Ira: "...that went into France first"
Other guy (chuckling): "No..."
At this point and from here forward, giggles ensue...
Ira: "Because they were the only one who could speak French... the famous gay battalions!!... ... ... And the gay battalions!!"
Other guy: "And they raided the lingerie shops... and redesigned the clothes... just redecorated the whole place so the Germans didn't want it anymore because it was just too fluffy.... .... .... [in a German accent] We von't be staying here... It's var too fluffy!"

Jen: this bothers me:
Jen: "I owe a lot of my life to a certain someone. He's been there for my for quite awhile now and I appreciate it. Yes, I am taken. I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. Sooo, go suck your own dick because my mouth is rather occupied."
Vic: LOL!!
Vic: OMFG!
Jen: it just makes the SLUT alarm go off in my head :P
Vic: that just... bothers me
Vic: yeah
Jen: sadly, she's only a 16 year old slut *shakes head*
Vic: :smirk: slut - noun. anyone having more sex than you.
Jen: LOL. I think that's everyone except the trees in my yard
Jen: no wait, they're probably pollenating
Vic: lmao
Vic: aww
Vic: in jen's yard: "ooh... yeah, baby... rub that pistil on my stamen... mmmm"
Jen: LOL!!!!
Jen: we are SUCH GEEKS
Jen: you realize that, right?
Vic: LOL :-D
Jen: only we would laugh at a joke involving the reproductive anatomy of plantlife
Vic: lmao. good point.
Jen: LOL. and this is probably why everyone else on the planet is having more sex than me.
Jen: I talk about plant sex.
Jen: *beats head against desk*
Vic: don't the words "pistil" and "stamen" sound so dirty when you think about it?
Vic: LOL. aww